What They Had - Review

What They Had

Two time Oscar winner Hillary Swank along with Blythe Danner, Michael Shannon and Robert Forester tell the moving story of a family dealing with the painful consequences of their mother - wife  losing their memory in the drama “What They Had”. 

Directed and written by Elizabeth Chomko we see early “Ruth” (Danner) getting up in the middle of night during a Chicago blizzard to wonder off. “Ruth” thinks she is twelve years old trying to catch the train back home from school. When her husband "Burt" (Forester) realizes she’s gone he calls their son “Nicky” (Shannon) to help in the search. “Nicky” in turn also calls his younger sister “Bridgett” (Swank) who’s married and living in LA who then catches an immediate flight home to help. But by the time she arrives with her own daughter in tow "Ruth" has been found safe and fine. But “Nicky” who works weird and long hours as a bar owner has had enough of his father stubbornness in not putting their mother in a facility. He asks his sister "Bridgett" to help persuading their father to reconsider. But in short order she's forced more into refereeing between her father's stubborn insistence that his wife, their mother, remain at home with him and her equally determined brother's efforts to place her in the "memory care" facility now. 

“Bridgett” tries mightily to be accommodating to both her brother and her father while she secretly deals with her own marriage troubles and a daughter who is increasingly becoming more rebellious adding more resentment all around for the entire family to deal with and be trust into.

REVIEW: This is as a captivating and effective story as you will ever see of what most children and families will have to and has to deal with when a parent is aging and ill. With the help of some really great writing and exceptionally superb acting this ensemble cast really captures the full dynamic of love ones who no longer can take care of themselves. And while essentially the story is a drama, “What They Had” has some moments of both authentic and appropriate humor that felt timely and self healing. 

Running 1:40 minutes as the film unfolds you see over time that the use of humor in the film is a reflection of the primordial see-saw  back and forth of deep seeded emotions people go through. Eventually and inevitably, medical events unlike any other life long human experience changes everyone lives. With heartfelt uncertainty and raw angst families decisions making can range from being collectively and individually harmonious to collectively and individual in contentious disagreement and resentment. But regardless of the range of emotions the one prevailing question that comes to their minds every waking moment is …………….    "Are we, am I doing the right thing here?”

This is one of those truly rare films everyone should watch. Not as some preparatory lesson  about the surface issues they must endure (i.e.bathing, dressing, feeding etc.) or the financial upheaval and impact Dementia and Alzheimer can have. Nor as some advance guide on how surviving families begin to actually grieve even when the parent that they love is still alive; physically healthy and fit. No, the film shows that no matter what anyone might imagine what it is like to deal with an aging parent, there is nothing in the world that prepares you for the day that the person you have loved you and loved you back as your husband, as your wife and or as your mother....................when they no longer recognize who you are.

“What They Had” structurally is a unique and effectively made film. Underneath emotionally it's a smart, loving, sensitive, touching and funny story. But above all while the film adroitly navigates this hard subject that all of us will have to contemplate one day as I myself have had to, it's still a very precious film to enjoy cinematically. It's never depressing and in fact I found it thematically very uplifting. Specifically, uplifting in that even when family differences occur while dealing with aging sick parents, everyone is operating in the singular belief they are doing what they think is best for the person they all love dearly.

3.50 Stars.